Prayers for the President

THat was the title of today's sermon at our church. Been looking forward to hearing it for a few days, ever since our minister told K about his plans to focus today's service on the upcoming historic inauguration. Music was selected specially for today, same with the readings, and the sermon was very interesting, inspiring, and about as non-partisan as I think one could be at this point.

The closing hymn was one the minister requested.......Lift Every Voice and Sing. A famous civil rights-era song, in the style of We Shall Overcome, in case you weren't already familiar with it. So when K called up that song on Wednesday night at rehearsal, I think I felt a ripple of discomfort among the mostly-65-and-up members. But they sang it. As for me, I got chills both in rehearsal and in the real performance today. But even as the goose bumps subsided, the philosopher in me started thinking "what right do I have to feel any ownership of this?" "Where do I get off having goose bumps?"

I wasn't born until the early 70s. (read: after the marches and sit-ins and protests and tragic assassinations of the 1960s) So it's not like I marched at Selma or boycotted buses, and I wasn't a Freedom Rider helping to level the playing field for all Americans. Oh, and one more thing.......I'm just about as white as they come. I've never been forced to go to separate schools, eat at different restaurants or use different restrooms. Never felt discrimination, really I haven't, and I know I'm blessed to be able to say that.

I guess my only real connection is that of my American citizenship, and my lifelong U.S. history nerd-itude. So I've read things, watched things, learned things about what America has been through in her past, and am especially fascinated by the 1960s. Didn't live through it, but it almost feels like I have.

As a Mom, I've tried to make sure my kids are brought up to respect differences, treat everyone equally and be as color-blind as they can be when it comes to dealing with people. I think I've succeeded, so far at least. Mr. Literal's school is quite ethnically diverse, and some of his best friends have much darker skin tones than he does. He's the blond/blue-eyed/fair skinned child, but he knows that not everyone looks like him....and that's ok with him too, thankfully.

That Lift Every Voice song has 3 long verses to it........so I had lots of time to ponder my feelings of pride and hope as we sang. By the time we got to the last verse, it all made sense.

Shadowed beneath Thy hand, may we forever stand,
True to our God, true to our native land.

Isn't that what it's all about anyway? OUR God, OUR native land, all of us. And so we approach Tuesday's historic event, cautiously daring to hope that the new President can do what the last several have not.......bring us together to work for common goals and aspirations. If we truly believe in equality and the dreams that Martin Luther King spoke of, then we have every right to join hands together this week, to demonstrate that equality in the way that we ALL celebrate the inauguration of our next President.

So as the minister said "President Obama, you are in our prayers." Amen, brother, amen.

blessings galore

It is so cold tonight, all over the East Coast and beyond. Gonna be in the 20s here, but that's like a day at the Equator compared to places up North. Trying not to think of the people who are out in this tonight.....I can't even imagine. The handy-dandy TV weatherman is saying it'll be Charleston's coldest temperatures of the last 20 years!

All 3 of my boys were asleep by 9:30. I got to thinking about how cold it already is, and what it's gonna be later, and decided to put extra blankets on everyone. Thank goodness for a mother in law who crochets--we've got afghans all over this house! Then, it was time for a nice HOT soaking bath for me, and a few minutes to just let my mind wander.........

I kept coming back, though, to thoughts from the last few days--just random stuff, mostly sweet and happy stuff, and thinking of how blessed we are. No big, amazing events have happened, just the small day-to-day stuff that memories are made of.

~I had a lunch date with Mr. Literal today. I love those, absolutely love them. He was my companion all day long at school, since he had the day off but I didn't. We went to Quizno's for subs and just chatted while we ate. He's so incredibly grown up sometimes, just looking at this little man sitting across from me is amazing.

~Last night, at choir practice, Energizer sat in my lap for about 20 minutes, and sang along with us. He's got great pitch (comes by it naturally, I suppose) so he picked up on the tune quickly and was jumping right in for the words "Glory, glory hallelujah" which repeated over and over. He looked so happy, so "in the moment", which made me feel that way too.

~I had to drive both boys this morning, when normally we each take one so we can get to school faster, etc. As we left the driveway, I remembered it's trash pickup day and our trash can wasn't beside the street. I put the van in park, jumped out and moved the can to its spot. Drove on around the corner, and saw the garbage truck approaching. We were in a hurry, plenty of places to go, but I decided to take a 30 second pause and just pull over to let the kids watch the truck pick up the can and dump it. They loved it, thought it was so cool, and it struck me that I don't think they'd ever actually seen that before. And so what if I was 30 seconds later getting to school?

~Even more elementally, more basic........we have a home tonight, when more and more people lose theirs every day. Our home has heat, and (so far) the heater is winning the battle to keep us warm tonight. We've got plenty to eat, too much in fact, but despite that fact, I'm managing to eat better this week and actually have lost 2.5 lbs already!

So maybe I sound preachy, or too saccharine-sweet, but that's my mood tonight--I'm dwelling on the good stuff, appreciating our health, prosperity and safety AND the 4 day weekend from school that's coming up! Now, if I could just figure out a way to be out of school on Tuesday too......

well, you knew this day was coming

Hmm, let's look at the facts for a moment, shall we?

Mom--chronic high blood pressure, on medication for many years, and one preeclamptic pregnancy (when having me)

Dad--chronic high blood pressure, on medication for many years

Me--2 severely preeclamptic pregnancies, labile and borderline blood pressures since last delivery (2004)

So, at today's oh-so-lovely yearly checkup at the OB/GYN, my BP was 142/100. Umm, that's a bit more than borderline, don't you think? Guess I knew this day was coming, and looks like it's here.....I'll be going for a follow up with a general practitioner (oops, was I supposed to have one of those kind of docs already?), and most likely getting on BP meds, probably forever. *sigh*

Great way to start out my day, huh? Oh, and the doors to our vehicles were FROZEN shut this morning.....WTF? This doesn't happen in SC!

blog envy

Ok, confession time. The more I look at blogs, the more I love what others are doing with theirs......and not what I'm doing with mine. I can't decide which direction to go: Witty, smart, emotional, politically-slanted, "newsy" about day-to-day life, autism-focused, preeclampsia-focused, preemie-focused..........? Consequently, you never know what to expect when you visit here, because from one post to the next, my take on things is entirely different. Some of the great bloggers I read just seem to have it "all together", at a time in my life when I don't feel like I do. Oh well.........

I have, though, decided on one thing I want to do. Lots of Moms who blog have such cool and creative "faux" names for their kids when they write. I know it's to protect identity, preserve privacy, etc, but I just love the names and have wanted something like this for a while. Now, I'm going to do it, so here goes:

My oldest has been referred to here only as A. He's 7 1/2, brilliant and talented, but diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (on the autism spectrum). I've searched for the right name to use for him, to sum him up in just one or two words, and it's tough. I've settled on Mr. Literal. That's him, in a nutshell. When he asks me what time it is, I look at a clock and say 4:15.....to which he'll reply "4:14". No fudging or estimating with this boy, it's either black or white and there's no in-between.

Hmm, now comes little E. He's nearly 5 (!), was my micropreemie, and has recently been diagnosed with ADHD (emphasis on the H, of course). He keeps us hopping, no question, and that's what led to my idea for his new blog name.......the Energizer Bunny. He just keeps going, and going, and going.........

So anyway, there it is. Hope you like the names, and that those of you who know us IRL will know who's who by the descriptions. I don't think you could ever mistake Mr. Literal for the Energizer Bunny. ;)

weekend update

Do you watch Desperate Housewives? I used to be sooo into that, and in recent years have fallen away from the habit. But this season, I'm back on board and am interested again, although not like before. Anyway, I was watching it tonight.....ok, listening to it as I posted on my forums and on Facebook. A quick summary, if you're not up with the story:

Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) is now a not-so-skinny, not quite so gorgeous Mom of 2 bratty kids. Carlos, her DH, was blind for quite a while but has regained his sight and now is back in cutthroat corporate America. Well, tonight the girls were being typically bratty, flat-out refusing to clean up toys, etc. They wouldn't listen to Gaby at all, just said "NO" to anything she told them to do. She called Carlos, interrupted his meeting to tell him about the bad behavior. When he gets home, she's complaining to him about how he's never home, the kids don't listen, etc and saying "I just wanted us to have a normal life". His response? "You want normal? Dad hates his job, Mom's home with the screaming kids. You got it!"

So is that really how it is? Is that what normal is? I'm not sure I know anymore. I know that parenting is exhausting, especially where little E is concerned, and I don't think that people who haven't experienced the severe ADHD really can understand that. You cannot relax, cannot let your guard down for a second, at least during the non-medicated hours. And K is overworked, overstressed, overtired, and underappreciated at work for what he does. So I guess, yes, we fit that so-called definition of "normal".

Anyway, I'm going to try once again to get back on the healthier-living wagon this week, and hope that it will result in some weight lost as well. Lord knows I need to! But as I write this, I'm watching a Papa John's pizza commercial advertising their new dessert pizzas............. *sigh*.

the expansive heart

Considering that today, Jan. 6, is the 12th day of Christmas, it's still ok to make a Christmas-based reference, isn't it? Well, I'm making one anyway.

I love How the Grinch Stole Christmas, that great classic by Dr. Seuss. The TV special is just classic, and I can nearly quote the whole thing word for word. Song for song. "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch, you're a nasty wasty skunk!"

Tonight, though, I'm thinking of that part right near the end, when "the Grinch's small heart grew 3 sizes that day." You can see and hear the metal outline of his tiny, shriveled heart grow bigger, and bigger, and bigger until it finally springs loose.....the "frame" that had enclosed his heart can't hold it all anymore, because of how big the heart has grown. I think that image, the heart that outgrows its borders, is a great way to represent Moms of special needs kids. Bear with me a minute, I'll try to explain.

More and more, recently, I see how my induction into that sisterhood of "special needs Moms" has made ME so much more open minded, tolerant of differences, and better able to see the beauty in those kids who don't "come out of the cookie cutter" as a great friend says. It also becomes increasingly clear to me that almost nothing is black and white.......life is about flexibility, exceptions to the rule ARE the rule, and the realization that our kids (ALL kids, but ours especially) are so incredibly unique and special, and worthy of all of the extra time and attention we can give.

While sitting in the foyer at A's speech therapy appointment today, I "met" a young girl who arrived with her mom for PT. She was soooo precious, just adorable and happy and sweet, I could tell right away. But it was also abundantly clear that she had "something", I don't know what......it wasn't Down syndrome, but maybe some other chromosomal abnormality or other birth "defect" although I hate that word. She was so tiny, but her head was larger and her eyes were very widely spaced. To the standards of society, she's probably considered ugly or even "scary" to look at, and maybe that's how the old me would have seen her. I'd like to think not, but.....the new me, however, was uncomfortable for about a half a second, then had my heart stolen by her smile, her wave, her sweet demeanor. I may never see her again, may never know what her diagnosis is or her prognosis, but I do know this: She's someone's child, people love her, and she is a happy child with much to offer to us if we will open our eyes and expand our hearts enough to recognize it.

One more example......we took A to a minor league hockey game on Sunday. He'd gotten a certificate at school (a reading program) for a free ticket, and was very excited. We'd planned to go for quite a while, got there and were told that this was the wrong certificate for this game, and they wouldn't accept it. This was the only one he had gotten and we knew nothing about any others. He goes into near-total meltdown mode, screaming in the coliseum lobby. Supervisors were consulted, and they confirmed that our card would not be accepted. It needed to be red, not orange, of all the ridiculous excuses they could have given.

Now these ticket sellers knew nothing about A's diagnosis, probably know nothing about autism, but that's kind of beside the point. If the idea is to reward kids for reading, encourage them to come and support the local team and create long-term fans out of them, is this the way to do it? Can an exception not be made? Would they really go broke over the freakin' $6 ticket that they're not allowing him to have? I see this clearly, and not just because he's my son, but because I know now that most rules are NOT hard and fast, and the desire to accomodate the needs of kids (especially our special ones) and encourage positive behaviors and traits should trump just about everything else. Generally, I'm a rule-follower, a "this is how you're supposed to do things" kind of girl, but the further I go down my special-needs parenting road the more I realize that my heart is just too big now to be that way any more. If it comes down to heart vs. head, feelings vs. rules, feelings win with me. It's that simple. I have to live that way, I couldn't make it otherwise.

So now, I'm about empathy, understanding, and open-mindedness in so many more ways than I used to be, because I know intimately what it means to feel your heart breaking out of the old barriers and embracing people, things and situations that you never could have imagined. Don't mean to sound all "braggy" here, because it's not that, it's just the inescapable side effect of the hand I've been dealt. Hey, you look for silver linings wherever you can find them........

welcome to 2009

Well, I made it to see the Times Square ball drop last night, but the kids didn't. We tried valiantly to wake A up, but he's like me....sleeps like a rock and there was no way he was waking up for that. And of course, the fact that he missed it caused him to wake up crying this morning, asking if we'd taped it. And did we? Of course not. But K found news clips to show him this morning, so he got to see the ball drop in NYC, Atlanta, and a couple of places around the world as well. In Atlanta, it's actually the Peach Drop, which is too cool, don't you think?

Small step backward on the new house front this morning......K is teetering on the edge of changing his mind about moving. And not because we don't need to move, because we desperately do, but because the housing market is so bad and he's afraid we can't sell this place. But the one who's usually the pessimist around here--ME--is actually cautiously optimistic this time. Or maybe just blindly hopeful, ignoring realities to hang all of my hopes on the excitement of the idea of moving.

Anyway, the boys and I are going for a drive today, just to check out neighborhoods and get ideas. K doesn't want me to, afraid I'm getting my hopes up too much, but I prefer to look at it as "market research", LOL!

Oh, and one more thing: A dear friend, Lori, is going through a tough time right now. Her son, age 4, was diagnosed with a disease called Legg Calve Perthes Disease. It's causing degeneration of his hip joint, and they are still in the midst of having him evaluated to determine treatment, etc. Please keep them in your prayers as they look for answers and make decisions about what to do.