DH sweetness

I'm really proud of my DH today, but worried also. He's applying for a new job, which I really hope he gets, because I think it would be good for him as well as the family. How so?

Well, he's finishing up his 14th year of teaching. Of the 14, I'd say that 10 or so have been in very "rough" schools.......low socio-economic level, practically no parent support, can't even call home to tell a parent about behavior problems because the phone's been disconnected. He hasn't necessarily sought out these kinds of schools, they've just found him for various reasons over the years.

And he's been proud of the fact that he's been able to do something for some kids that no one cares much about.....allow them to have some musical experiences, go places and do things that they otherwise wouldn't have. One year, he took an overnight trip to Upstate SC, and from there they did a couple of hours excursion to the mountains right across into NC.....because some of these high-school kids had never left the Lowcountry before and never seen mountains!

But there are big struggles and frustrations in schools like these too. It's hard to explain, but there is just not a "culture of success" in these schools. They're labeled as "failing schools" according to NCLB (don't get me started!!!!!), and the atmosphere reflects that........just doing the minimum is ok, let's just get by with very little effort, and to be successful with Band that little effort won't cut it. Parents are not seen and not heard in these schools....until you try to hold their child accountable for their actions or dare to expect them to meet some standard of behavior or performance, then you hear from them in a way that you'd rather not!

So, where does that leave DH? Well, he works very hard to try and make something resembling a "real Band" out of what he's got at this school. They try to participate in state festivals and contests, and have had some small successes, but had to scratch and claw to get them. For many of these kids, there is no such thing as true committment to anything, so forget the idea of the kids actually coming to practices and learning their music.....ain't gonna happen for lots of them. But at the contest, it's "DHs little Band of mostly poor kids who aren't really trying" vs. "someone else's big Band of rich kids who all take private music lessons"...and you can imagine the outcome.

Their biggest contest of the year was yesterday. He knew going into it that they'd struggle, and was just hoping for a respectable outcome with little or no drama attached. It's so hard to separate yourself, as a professional musician, from the high expectations that you know should be in place.....but in a situation like his, you're thankful if everyone actually shows up, and if they're wearing something resembling what you told them to, and have an instrument and maybe some sheet music. If that happens for all the kids, you're doing great. But often it doesn't.

So, yesterday morning, he shows me something that he's written on the palm of his hand: The names of our two boys. He said "I wrote A and E on here so that I'll see it and remember today, that even when I get angry and frustrated with the Band kids, I want to try and treat them the way I'd expect our boys to be treated by a teacher." :) I was so proud, and not sure I could do the same in his shoes, so that made me even more impressed.

Bottom line, though, this thankless job is wearing on him, I can see it. He's exhausted all the time, but just keeps on plugging away without a lot of tangible reward. I think it's getting harder and harder for him to do that.

The new job? Applications close on Tuesday, and then I really don't know how fast it'll move after that. He's not the only one applying, but we don't know how many others or how stiff the competition will be. It's an administrative/district level job, in Music, and I think he'd be awesome for it. I really do believe he's at risk of burning out as a music educator, and I don't want to see that happen. That's why I truly hope that he gets this job and can direct his energies and enthusiasm into something that he can feel like he really makes a difference and has some recognition for the work he does. Right now, he's not getting much of that. Not many Band directors would do the job he currently does......don't think I would either. If you pray, can you send up a few for DH? This new job is something he really needs, IMHO. We all need it, truth be told. Thanks.

A flashback moment

Sometimes I also blog over on Preeclampsia Survivors, a blog started by my long-lost twin sister Jen B (also of Unique But Not Alone). That blog is linked to our PE Survivors website and forum, and I had an experience this morning that I felt compelled to write about....

"A Flashback Moment"

....so I put it there, because it seemed to fit. Check it out, see what you think.

Political junkies, ages 4 and 6

OMG, I think I've created 2 mini-political junkies! Guess they're taking after Mom.......

A is a Hillary fan, much to my chagrin. Not sure why he likes her, maybe just because he wants to be different from me? Anyway, he's been a diehard fan throughout the primaries, but E has been on "my side" with Obama. I've posted before; he calls him Rock Obama and proudly wears his Obama '08 shirt to school, etc.

Well, this morning we had an incident that just goes to show how truly invested in these candidates they are........... DH and I love to watch Morning Joe on MSNBC while getting ready for school. Can't let the kids watch Noggin or anything b/c they'd never actually put clothes on and wouldn't be ready on time without a struggle. So, DH tells me this morning that we need to make sure A is watching the show b/c they've announced they'll have Hillary on in a few minutes. The boys are eating breakfast in the living room and watching it, and we're in our room brushing teeth, etc. DH steps out to check on them, and comes back in holding E, who is crying almost hysterically.

He hands E to me, and I try to get him to tell me what got him so upset. He manages to say: "A said that Rock Obama is going to drop out" and then collapses in tears again. I immediately went into consoling Mommy mode, hugging and rocking him, saying "it's going to be ok honey, A is wrong, I promise Rock Obama is NOT going to drop out" etc. It took him quite a few minutes to calm down, and finally we had to pull up an Obama speech on the computer for him to watch, and that did the trick. But he was still clingy and semi-sad the rest of the morning.

Oh, and when I asked A if he knew why E was so upset and if he'd meant to do that.....he said yes (sheepishly, but with a little smirk on his face). He knew it wasn't true, and knew it would upset E, but that's what he was trying to do! (can you say "typical big-brother" stuff?) I reminded him about how sad he would feel if it were the other way around, and that seemed to straighten him out.

But I tell ya, it's going to be rough when the day comes that one of the candidates (ahem, HC!) has to actually drop out in favor of the other. One of my sons is going to be devastated, I can see it now. We've gotta start planning for what kind of special treat or activity we can do for that child, to help cheer him up, b/c it's going to be ugly, I'm afraid. Hope I haven't done a disservice by getting them so interested in all this, knowing that one of them will most certainly be disappointed in the end. :(

My thoughts are drifting dangerously...

....to the idea of moving. Yep, you heard right. Not moving out of the Lowcountry, just moving out of this house. Been here exactly 5 years this month, and DH swore we'd "never move again" when we got settled in here. And he's stuck firmly to that mantra, until today..........

He's applying for a new job. Still in education, but this is more of a district-level administrative type of thing, and I really hope he gets it! It would be a bit more money (we think), but also would be a great thing for him in terms of career advancement, etc. A great opportunity, and (although I'm biased LOL) he seems perfectly positioned for the job---in terms of qualifications, experience, and already being a successful teacher in that district anyway!

But, although the job would have him driving around a lot from school to school, his office/home base would be in the rousing metropolis of Moncks Corner SC.....a 42 minute drive, according to Google maps. And that's without traffic--- anyone who knows the Lowcountry can tell you that traffic is truly everywhere these days. :(

So, DH actually said the words "maybe we'd need to move" today, and my mind started racing. I do like this house, but all along have wished it was bigger. And as the boys grow, I feel that way more and more. We sold another house to move here, and the old one was actually bigger than this. But, it was in an older neighborhood that was "going downhill" a bit, and was not very centrally located for DH or I to drive to work. This one IS central, and was new construction (2003) so we got to make some choices during building (countertops, etc).....but smaller in square footage than the old place. We put in Pergo floors a couple of years ago, and really like them. Our yard is nice....backs up onto woods, and we see the occasional deer in the backyard, etc. But I think all the time about how we need more space and what can be done about it. Convert the garage? (we never park cars in it anyway.....) Build a sunroom or something on the back? But we've never gotten serious about doing any of that, it just remains in the daydream stage for me.

Little does DH know how dangerous it is to say "maybe we'd need to move" to me. Hahahahaha! Seriously, I immediately started thinking "hmm, ok, we could move closer to the kids' schools and to DH's new office.....let's see what's for sale around there" and I went straight to realtor. com to check it out. I know, it's a terrible time to sell, and I dread the thought of packing this place up and putting it on the market etc. But, there are some areas much nearer to Moncks Corner that have nice neighborhoods with some gigantic houses........ooooh, so tempting. I can't allow myself to get my hopes up too much on this, or to get too far ahead of the game in shopping for a new house before he even interviews for this job!

Must.....resist......the urge.......to buy a Sunday paper tomorrow and peruse the listings...............LOL!

Extreme boredom

Can I just say that I hate these days? 3 times a year, at my school, we have these Parent Conference afternoons, and I despise them. Mainly because I'm bored out of my skull!!!!!! It's the end of the quarter (grading period) and report cards just went out. These days are drop-ins, for parents to come and have a brief chat with the teacher if they have concerns. No one ever comes to see me! Truthfully, I might have one parent per conference day, and that'll just be someone dropping by to say "hi, my child loves band" or whatever. But yet I have to be here, and sit on my &#@* for hours....mostly messing around on the computer.

Thankfully, I've got a buddy with me today---Andrew! :) He ate lunch with me in the teacher's lounge earlier (they had deli sandwiches and potato salad, etc, plus some really big yummy brownies!) and now we're hanging out in my room. He brought his "marble track" set (legos, basically) and has worked on that, played my drums, and drawn on the white board.

One more thing to be thankful for----we've only got to be here for 42 more minutes! Hallelujah!!!!!!!!!!!!! Weekend, here we come. Date night with DH tonight, and my Singers concert tomorrow night. Weather's gorgeous right now, but it's supposed to start raining. :(

41 minutes now...............

The love of music and performance

Why did I go into music as a career? What is it that has always drawn me to music, and to performance of music?

My family (mom's side) has always been musical....Mom played French horn in Band, and just about all of her siblings played instruments too. I just grew up knowing I'd be in Band when I got old enough, and always wanted to play the trumpet. My grandfather played trumpet, and so did my uncle (his son), so I represent the 3rd generation trumpeter in our family. :)

So, after starting Band in 6th grade (thanks, Mr. McGeough), that was it........I was hooked. By 7th grade, I knew I wanted to be a band director (thanks, Mrs. Thornburg). After that, it was never a question whether I would continue to play and perform. Something about that feeling you get in performance.......

It's hard to describe, especially to someone who may have never done it. When you're performing music with a group, and it's going well and performing at a high level, there's a euphoria that happens among the group members. The feeling of being caught up in the energy and music-making, becoming a cohesive unit and creating something that exists only in that moment and can never be exactly duplicated.....it's incredible. So whether it's a concert band, orchestra, a choir, or whatever.....I don't ever want to be without that feeling.

But here's what I found when I became a band director: that feeling is sometimes hard to come by when you are the leader (i.e. the person in charge who has to run things and stress obsessively about what each group member is doing). You are no longer the performer, but the conductor. And often, directors find that they lose their performing "outlet"....even though the love of performing was what drew them into the profession in the first place.

For me, it's been like this: teaching middle school band and trying to get excited about thrilling music like Mary Had a Little Lamb and Twinkle Twinkle. Then, teaching a tiny (did I say tiny? I meant microscopic) high school band, in which we just hope to have enough people to play the parts, much less actually make real music. Also, I sing in the church choir, but it's kind of like my school.......tiny group, tries hard and does fine, but true aesthetic musical experiences are rare.

Tonight, I remembered how it feels to really perform and to get that "high" that comes from the thrill of a good performance with a very talented and advanced group. I'm very proud to be in our local community chorus, and we had a dress rehearsal tonight for Saturday night's concert. It'll be my first concert with them, and I'm truly exhilarated about it! I got *that* feeling several times tonight, and was reminded all over again about what has always drawn me to being an ensemble performer. I've really missed it, and didn't know how much until I had it again. I hope to never have to be without that kind of performance outlet again....it's a big part of who I am, and gives me a sense of purpose and "rightness" that I really need these days.

An actual date!

OMG, check this out: DH came home from school today, and said "Guess what? I'm taking you out on a date on Friday night and already have the babysitter arranged!" :)

So now, I've got to figure out what to wear (what fits?) and where to go. He suggested dinner and movie, but wants me to be able to choose what to see and where to eat. I'm thinking this restaurant, which I haven't been to in ages. And for a movie? Well, one that I've really wanted to see is opening Friday........Leatherheads. (George Clooney, Renee Zellweger, it's about old-time football) Mainly the reason I want to see it is that the football scenes were filmed in the "stadium" at the junior high school I went to, in the metropolis of Boiling Springs SC. Funny, huh, that this football field is so old that the producers thought it was suitable to film a movie about early 1900s football........

Anyway, I can't remember the last real date we went on, maybe it was last fall sometime, so this will be a nice treat. :) Just what I needed, hopefully. :)