That is the question. We go to the pediatrician on Thursday for E's 4-year-old checkup appt. So, in the meantime, I'm running through every possible scenario in my mind, of how it'll be when we discuss the dreaded 4-letter acronym......ADHD.......and what to do about it.
We haven't seen the ped in quite a while, since my boys have the annoying habit of only getting sick on weekends, when the ped is obviously unavailable. We end up at urgent care, which works fine, but means the ped is WAY behind the times on what's up with E these days.
It seems pretty clear to anyone who spends time with E that there is a hyperactivity/impulse control/aggression issue. Is it officially ADHD? Guess that remains to be seen. For a while before A got diagnosed on the autism spectrum, I had my suspicions and my "mother's intuition" telling me that something wasn't right, and leading me toward autism once I began to research and read. Well, same thing here. The more I learn, the more I think ADHD. And it's depressing. I know I have blessed little to complain about, if ADHD is the worst thing that my formerly 1.5 lb baby has to deal with, but still it's not something you'd wish to have.
All along, even when it was just talking hypothetically, I've always said that modern medicines exist for a reason. They do help people, and have a benefit in many cases. So many people go into "crotchety old person" mode when discussing these kind of medicines.....you've heard it, stuff like: "well, in MY day we didn't have those newfangled drugs. We just had to discipline our kids and make them behave" etc etc etc. But I've always said that if it ever was necessary for a child of mine to take meds, and it would help them, we'd do it without question.
Well, can I take back the "without question" part? Because the closer it gets to the time in which meds might really be prescribed, the shakier I'm getting about the concept. Is it a cop-out? Isn't there more I could have done, or could be doing, before resorting to a chemical solution? Will he have to be on these meds forever? What are the potential side effects? Are the long-term effects even known yet?
Part of me just wants to go in to the doctor on Thursday, throw myself at her feet and say "DO SOMETHING, HELP ME!!!!!!!" Then I'll gather up my prescription for mind-altering drugs and be on my way, right? But the other part of me is worried, thinks that I might be pushing too heavily and too quickly for meds for only selfish reasons......because I'm tired, because I'm stressed, because I'm at my wits' end with him and am just giving up. In other words, don't expect me to work hard and bring about improvements in his behavior on my own, just let the chemicals do it.
And even if we do choose to try meds, which one? I dread the thought of having to go through (possibly) several different drugs before finding one that seems to work without turning my little bundle of joy into a zombie, etc. And going back in for follow-up blood tests to check levels, etc....oh joy, won't that be fun for a 4 year old?
I guess the only redeeming fact in all of this, if you can even call it that, is that preemies have been proven to have a higher incidence of ADHD. Therefore, maybe it is NOT all in my mind, maybe I'm NOT just a lazy mom, maybe there is a true, real, physical reason for his behavior and his struggles with control. We've dodged so many bullets with him in 4 years....IUGR, PDA, failure to thrive, being on a vent, inability to eat, etc etc etc. Today, other than these behavioral/aggression problems, he is a healthy, smart and thriving little boy. And I never hesitated to let NICU docs give him indomethacin for that PDA, right? So if his difficulties have a biological cause, they might respond to a biologically-based treatment......?
Well, I'm not really any closer to deciding what to do yet, but it helps to talk it through. I do know that if we end up choosing meds for him, I'm NOT going to be broadcasting it in our social circles, etc. There's still a certain stigma attached, at least around here anyway. Guess that's another post for another day.
Showing posts with label Ethan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ethan. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
mean mommy
Have I said recently that parenting is tough? I did? Ok, well let's just say it again, shall we?
I truly feel like a first-time parent again when it comes to dealing with Ethan. He's my first NT child (neuro-typical, not on the autism spectrum), and therefore many many things ARE new to me in parenting him. Andrew rarely, if ever, challenges my authority or what I ask/tell him to do. Same to DH. But Ethan, on the other hand, does this 24/7. And I feel like very little that I do is helping to get him onto the right track, either.
So last night, I was "mean mommy" and I hated it. I took the boys to a concert that DH was conducting for his band. There have been instances recently that Ethan showed he could behave acceptably in a concert---sit in your chair, listen, don't talk/sing/kick chairs, etc. On the way there in the van, we talked about the kind of behavior I expected, and offered that any kids who did behave well would be taken to Sonic for a treat afterwards.
Well, let's just say that I had to drag Ethan out of the auditorium before DH's band was done with their second piece of music. I tried a million times to ask him to turn around, sit right, be quiet, stay still, etc, and I got nowhere. I put him in my lap and held him there, as he fought me and even reached out to bite me! I put my hand over his mouth in frustration, and said into his ear "DO NOT TRY TO BITE ME". His response? Laughing. So I just took him out into the lobby until DH's band finished. We went back in, got Andrew, said goodbye to DH and went to the car. Oh yeah, and it was raining by this point.
So I told Ethan we were now going to Sonic to get something for me and Andrew, but not him. I had to, right? Otherwise, what's my word worth? And I wanted to drown my sorrows in a Reese's Cup Blast anyway. Andrew got one of those too, and I ordered nothing else. Whoa, was that hard to do. He cried and cried, kept saying "I'm being good now, I'll be good in the van", etc. When parents say "this is harder on me than it is on you".......they aren't kidding.
He kept asking to get an M&M blast, but when the roller-skates girl came and left....nothing for Ethan. It hit him, and he cried harder. "But Mom, I want a blast" over and over. I tried to calmly remind him why, and then I had to basically just start ignoring him...yeah, right. But I needed to NOT keep repeating myself and trying to explain and justify what I did. Andrew tried to chime in and say "it's because you were bad" but I had to ask him to please stay out of it.
He cried all the way home, but thankfully I got him distracted at the house with a new toy he got at last weekend's party. And some rainbow sherbet ice cream out of the freezer. Still didn't stop me from feeling like mean mommy, though. Hoping I did the right thing and that we won't be back in this exact same spot anytime soon.
I truly feel like a first-time parent again when it comes to dealing with Ethan. He's my first NT child (neuro-typical, not on the autism spectrum), and therefore many many things ARE new to me in parenting him. Andrew rarely, if ever, challenges my authority or what I ask/tell him to do. Same to DH. But Ethan, on the other hand, does this 24/7. And I feel like very little that I do is helping to get him onto the right track, either.
So last night, I was "mean mommy" and I hated it. I took the boys to a concert that DH was conducting for his band. There have been instances recently that Ethan showed he could behave acceptably in a concert---sit in your chair, listen, don't talk/sing/kick chairs, etc. On the way there in the van, we talked about the kind of behavior I expected, and offered that any kids who did behave well would be taken to Sonic for a treat afterwards.
Well, let's just say that I had to drag Ethan out of the auditorium before DH's band was done with their second piece of music. I tried a million times to ask him to turn around, sit right, be quiet, stay still, etc, and I got nowhere. I put him in my lap and held him there, as he fought me and even reached out to bite me! I put my hand over his mouth in frustration, and said into his ear "DO NOT TRY TO BITE ME". His response? Laughing. So I just took him out into the lobby until DH's band finished. We went back in, got Andrew, said goodbye to DH and went to the car. Oh yeah, and it was raining by this point.
So I told Ethan we were now going to Sonic to get something for me and Andrew, but not him. I had to, right? Otherwise, what's my word worth? And I wanted to drown my sorrows in a Reese's Cup Blast anyway. Andrew got one of those too, and I ordered nothing else. Whoa, was that hard to do. He cried and cried, kept saying "I'm being good now, I'll be good in the van", etc. When parents say "this is harder on me than it is on you".......they aren't kidding.
He kept asking to get an M&M blast, but when the roller-skates girl came and left....nothing for Ethan. It hit him, and he cried harder. "But Mom, I want a blast" over and over. I tried to calmly remind him why, and then I had to basically just start ignoring him...yeah, right. But I needed to NOT keep repeating myself and trying to explain and justify what I did. Andrew tried to chime in and say "it's because you were bad" but I had to ask him to please stay out of it.
He cried all the way home, but thankfully I got him distracted at the house with a new toy he got at last weekend's party. And some rainbow sherbet ice cream out of the freezer. Still didn't stop me from feeling like mean mommy, though. Hoping I did the right thing and that we won't be back in this exact same spot anytime soon.
Friday, March 7, 2008
My baby boy is turning 4!
Sniff, sniff........my "baby", my last-born, is turning 4 tomorrow. 4 sounds so much older and bigger than 3 does, don't you think? It's like he's officially not a baby or even a toddler any more.......but a "big boy" as he'll readily tell you if you ask. He took brownies to school today for his preschool class, and then we'll have a celebration tomorrow with just our family (and presents sent from relatives out of town). Then, on Sunday we're having a party with preschool classmates and a little girl who lives next door that he wanted to invite. What a weekend!
The party theme is Go Diego Go, and we're having it outside at the pavilion area behind our church. PLEASE Lord, let the rain stop in plenty of time for things to dry up so we can play outside, do a treasure hunt on the nature trail, gorge ourselves on candy from the Diego pinata, etc. :) Only 4 kids have RSVPd to come so far, but these families are notorious for not RSVPing, but then showing up anyway. Hard to know how to plan, but oh well...........
The first half of 2004 was pretty much the scariest 5 months of my life. Beginning in January, I was put onto bedrest at home due to the onset (AGAIN!) of severe preeclampsia. There's no cure for it (other than delivery), or even a treatment that's guaranteed to hold off the progression of the disease, but some believe that strict bedrest can help. In my case, it seems to have done so. In February, an appointment with a maternal/fetal medicine specialist ended in immediate admission to the hospital, and the next couple of days were filled with intense fear and grief. I was only at 24 weeks, and we were being told by just about every medical person in the hospital that my baby boy (for whom we still hadn't settled on a name) would not survive if delivered anytime soon.
We hung on somehow, though, and I stayed horizontal in the hospital from Feb. 12 to March 8......when little Ethan Hunter was delivered by c section, weighing only 1 lb., 9 oz. Then we began our second journey through the NICU, this time for 11 weeks. There were plenty of scary moments, and many many long days and nights living in a hotel near the hospital and trying to maintain some kind of a life for our then-2 1/2 year old.
So when days like tomorrow come around, it makes me think back, obviously. I know that as time passes, memories fade, especially about how much something hurts.......either physically or emotionally. I think that's what's happening to me. After 4 years, I've repressed or blocked out a lot of the extremes of our fears of losing Ethan, but I still get shivers up my spine when I do think back to how close we came to NOT bringing our baby home with us, and how much of a miracle he truly is. Happy Birthday, little man, Mom and Dad and Andrew love you SO much!
The party theme is Go Diego Go, and we're having it outside at the pavilion area behind our church. PLEASE Lord, let the rain stop in plenty of time for things to dry up so we can play outside, do a treasure hunt on the nature trail, gorge ourselves on candy from the Diego pinata, etc. :) Only 4 kids have RSVPd to come so far, but these families are notorious for not RSVPing, but then showing up anyway. Hard to know how to plan, but oh well...........
The first half of 2004 was pretty much the scariest 5 months of my life. Beginning in January, I was put onto bedrest at home due to the onset (AGAIN!) of severe preeclampsia. There's no cure for it (other than delivery), or even a treatment that's guaranteed to hold off the progression of the disease, but some believe that strict bedrest can help. In my case, it seems to have done so. In February, an appointment with a maternal/fetal medicine specialist ended in immediate admission to the hospital, and the next couple of days were filled with intense fear and grief. I was only at 24 weeks, and we were being told by just about every medical person in the hospital that my baby boy (for whom we still hadn't settled on a name) would not survive if delivered anytime soon.
We hung on somehow, though, and I stayed horizontal in the hospital from Feb. 12 to March 8......when little Ethan Hunter was delivered by c section, weighing only 1 lb., 9 oz. Then we began our second journey through the NICU, this time for 11 weeks. There were plenty of scary moments, and many many long days and nights living in a hotel near the hospital and trying to maintain some kind of a life for our then-2 1/2 year old.
So when days like tomorrow come around, it makes me think back, obviously. I know that as time passes, memories fade, especially about how much something hurts.......either physically or emotionally. I think that's what's happening to me. After 4 years, I've repressed or blocked out a lot of the extremes of our fears of losing Ethan, but I still get shivers up my spine when I do think back to how close we came to NOT bringing our baby home with us, and how much of a miracle he truly is. Happy Birthday, little man, Mom and Dad and Andrew love you SO much!
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