I'm so tired

It's little E this time, not A. And I just feel so beaten down where he's concerned, behaviorally speaking.

Since K and I are teachers, obviously one of the few perks of that job is having the summer off. We're on the same schedule as the kids, and can be home with them for great family time for all of June and most of July (before the dreaded band camp).

E's preschool, however, has a policy that you've got to continue paying your tuition during the summer, whether your child attends school or not. It's to hold your spot in the program, since there's a long waiting list of people who would take it if you no longer wanted it. Sucks to pay $$$$ all summer when we're at home, but thank goodness this is the last summer we've got to do that.

Anyway, I know that E would not benefit from going for 6, 7 or 8 weeks straight without coming to school---he needs to keep up with his routine and the rituals and expectations of school, at least a little bit. But this summer has worked out in such a way that he's really come to school very very rarely. A few field trip days, a couple of "water play days", and that's about it.

Anyway, he went 2 days last week (1 full, 1 half), and then I'd intended to start this week in sending him all 5 days so that we'd get back into that routine before I start school next week (sob, sob). But yesterday morning, I just plain didn't feel like sending him. No offense to the school at all, you understand. I just thought of it being maybe the last real day of summer for us to stay home together, veg out in our pjs and watch videos, play board games, etc. So I asked him which he'd rather do, and of course he wanted to stay home. He's a "homebody", strange as that sounds.

So I let him stay home. Shoot me, but I wanted to stay home with my children while I can. I wanted one more day of no schedule, no rushing about, etc. Today, however, it bit me where the sun don't shine...........

I took him for the full day today, and they had a bowling alley trip this morning. We'd witnessed last week that if a child badly misbehaves on a trip, then they aren't allowed to go on the next one. I reminded him of this, told him to try really hard to be good and listen on this trip because he wouldn't want to miss a future trip like those other boys did. Got there at 3:30 to pick him up, greeted by the afternoon aide telling me that the morning teacher had left us a note. That's never good.

The note was on red paper. Again, not good. A sad face :( on one side, and the bad news on the other: he'd not been listening on the trip, didn't follow "any of the rules". Therefore, next week he will not be allowed to attend the weekly bowling trip. I read the note, then the afternoon aide says something like, "he really had a rough time today, I think it must be because he's not here all the time, not used to it" or something along those lines.

I'm not really faulting the teachers for their decision, and I'm going to support it (not argue, complain, etc). I'm just mad at myself, I guess, for the fact that doing what I wanted to with them this summer seems to NOT be ok in some cosmic way that I don't understand and don't like. I stayed home during the summers as a child, so did my sister. So did K and his 2 brothers, and just about everyone I know. But my child? Apparently not. And this may seem like just a little thing to whine about in the scheme of things, but I just do not think I can take another afternoon of arriving at the school to see that look on the teachers' faces, knowing I'm about to be hit with yet another bad report. Why does it have to be my child that has to stay in a constant routine of school to be successful? Why is this so freakin complicated?