Tuesday, March 17, 2009

well, here I go

Tomorrow's the big day......meeting at the college with the head of the Music Therapy division of the school of music. OMG, am I really doing this? I keep telling myself I'm just going so I can officially rule out the idea, so that I can answer enough of my questions to know that this really won't work, etc. But inside, secretly, I'm still so excited about the possibilities, and hoping that maybe.....just maybe......she'll answer my questions so that I know this WILL work.

I've been working on a list for days, of my questions and concerns. I still feel sure I'll forget something, or get sidetracked on 1 or 2 subjects and end up not getting to everything I wanted to ask. *sigh* Now if I can just remember to print the thing out and take it with me when I go.

I think I've mentioned before that I'm looking for a sign here, looking for someone to just tell me what to do and which direction to turn. Well, last week at school I may have gotten one.......you tell me what you think. The school is a Catholic school, in which we have a prayer over the intercom every morning and afternoon. The morning prayer had something in it that I can't quote exactly, but essentially it was asking God to help us be able to listen and respond to his call, and to go in the direction that He wants us to go. And I want to, I really do. Is this it, this whole insane music therapy idea? My kids will only be young once, so I can't mess this up, can't get myself involved in something that will take me away from them even MORE during these crucial years. And last night, I was at a rehearsal while DH did baths, homework, pjs, and bedtime. This morning, he shares the story of how badly it went, with Energizer ending up crawling completely under his bed comforter (NOT at bedtime) and crying, saying "I miss Mom". Great, just twist the knife, why don't you?

*sigh* X 1,000,000,000,000..............


itdoesntgetbetterthanthis said...

I still check in occassionally - I hope that's ok. I think the music therapy thing sounds INCREDIBLE and you would be perfect for it. But I also had the same bedtime experience (I have to miss bedtime 4 nights in a row this week) I got a voicemail when I left session that just said "mama" - aparently when Russ finished reading books, taylor started asking for me and wouldn't go to bed - he eventually just had to let her cry herself to sleep - and that really never happens - it's hard trying to follow your calling as a mom and as a career when you only have 24 hours a day and want to get 100% to both - actually I think it's impossible. I struggle every day to find a balance.
I'll keep you in my prayers - good luck with tomorrow's meeting!

The Queen said...

Good luck tomorrow!!

laughingatchaos said...

Oh hon, good luck! If it's meant to be, it'll all work out. Pinky promise. ;)