Friday, March 21, 2008

musings on Easter weekend

Just a bunch of random thoughts running through my head on this Good Friday night, when my boys are asleep (ALL of them, LOL) and I'm being an insomniac, as usual.........

~Tonight is "couch bed" night, as Andrew calls it. We got a sleeper sofa not too long ago, and he's come up with the idea that on weekend nights or other special occasions, we can sleep out there as a treat. Treat, my butt, b/c the thing is NOT very comfortable. But I digress.....So right now, DH is asleep on the couch bed, Andrew is almost asleep but watching Food Network, and Ethan is going to sleep on the carpet under the couch bed. His idea, by the way. He's got a little fortress under there, with a blanket, pillow and about 5 stuffed animals.

~Dare I say this? I think I'm (gasp!) beginning to get tired of the 24/7 political news and coverage. I know, you're shocked, but there's only so much one can take of the constant parsing and dissecting of every single word that comes out of a candidate's mouth......or even the mouths of their staff, friends, etc. And every day there's a new (invented) "scandal", and every day there are 36 new polls which all have conflicting information in them.........get my point? And guess what? We've still got almost 8 months of this yet to go!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHH!

~I have had way too little patience tonight with the kids. :( Found myself snapping at them, a lot, and I hate when I do that. Ethan had a really tough time settling down tonight, and it just gets so frustrating when he's climbing on you, rolling all over the bed, getting under the covers, then out of the covers, over and over and over.....I felt like a punching bag due to the number of times I got hit and kicked. Unintentionally, I suppose, but since I was in the vicinity of his Tasmanian Devil-like movements, I was in the line of fire.

~Still having nonstop arguments with myself, inside my head, about food and weight. I mean NONstop. Like what? you may ask. Hmm, things like:
*I have no clothes that fit me, and what I do wear looks bad
*I want to buy some new clothes, refuse to buy bigger sizes. I could just buy a smaller size, because "I'll lose the weight to get into them", right?
*I'm tired/frustrated/stressed/emotional right now, so that justifies me having a big piece of that damn chocolate cheesecake that DH put in the refrigerator. Somebody's gotta eat it.
*I look horrible, and everyone around me seems to be losing weight. What is wrong with me? I know that I truly do want to lose weight, be healthier, look better for summer, etc. So what is the insurmountable roadblock that stops me from doing it? I wish I knew.

Wow, these musings have gotten depressing, huh? ;) Well, maybe I can wrap it up on a lighter, happier note. I have a lot to be thankful for, both on this holiday weekend and in general. When I say prayers with Ethan at night, we usually talk about the things we want to say "thank you" to God for. I try to remind him (and myself) of even the little things, or things that many people may take for granted in a blessed country like ours........having plenty of food, a warm, safe place to live, having so much of so many things like clothes, books, toys, etc. We say thank you for our family, our schools, our teachers and friends. I know that, despite my emotional struggles and the difficulties of parenting my special boys, I am very lucky and blessed. Happy Easter to all, and I'll work to try to remember my good fortune a bit more.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Girl - I could have written the part about food/weight loss myself. I'm in the same boat. I try so hard and yet I always seem to fail. (((hugs))) and here's to hoping you can find a sure-fire weight loss plan soon (and if you do you can feel free to share the secrets with me *wink wink*)